walking in the rain

I almost cried when I first heard this song..gosh, I lurrrrrrrve it so much.


Lighthouse Family – Lost In Space

Sometimes, I get tired of this me first attitude
You are the one thing, that keeps me smiling
That's why I'm always wishing hard for you
'Cos your life shines so bright
I don't feel no solitude
You are my first, star at night
I'd be lost in space without you

And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

Feels, just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idea of heaven
Why can't it always be so good
But it's alright, I know your out there
Doing what you've gotta do
You are my soul satellite
I'd be lost in space without you

And I'll never lose my faith in you
How will I ever get to heaven, if I do

I'll never lose my faith in you
I'll never lose my faith in you

I’ve been going through a rather difficult period the past few days or so. Things took a turn for the worse recently and with everything happening around me I almost wanted to shut myself out from everyone and everything. I was on the verge of raising the white flag, calling for a time out, hoping to retreat to a place where I can take my mind off work and everything else that’s happening, listen to my favourite songs and drown myself in sorrow.

But of course, it’s almost impossible, not especially when I’ve been thrown so much work to do.

You see, no one really understands my job scope in camp. Actually, no one really understands how I lead my life anyway so in case you think you know me inside out I’m sorry to disappoint you but you’ll probably be quite wrong.

Sometimes I don’t understand why people behave the way they do. I don’t wish to mention names but I am truly disappointed with the many people I come across each and every day – things that they’ve said or done, either through their actions or behaviour.

In general, I’m sick and tired of people behaving like idiots.

I don’t expect everyone to be perfect, because no one is. Neither do I expect everyone to be on the same wavelength as me, because it simply isn’t possible, although I would say 95% of the people around me are.

All I ask is just for a little cooperation, a little understanding, and a little help from everyone, so that we can make this journey smooth and easy for everyone. After all, we all have to go through this together, don’t we? Why must people behave so strangly, selfishly, arrogantly, and sometimes idiotically towards everything? Why do people assume that they know everything when they actually know zilch?

I know most people in camp probably think that my job is simple. I don’t blame anyone for that, since no one actually knows what goes on in the office except for my managers and perhaps some of my fellow I/Cs. Really. No one knows how much work I have to do everyday, especially in recent months.

No one knows much preparation is needed to make sure each and every show runs smoothly.
No one knows how many issues I have to settle with everyday.
No one knows how many different managers need my attention every few minutes.
No one knows how many clients I have to call up.
No one knows how many recees I have to do.
No one knows how many sets of repertoires I have to hand in every now and then.
No one knows how many reports I have to write.
No one knows how many emails I have to send out to clients.
No one knows how many nominal rolls I have to hand in.
No one knows how much work I help my managers to do everyday.
No one knows how long-winded some of my managers can be.
No one knows how long my list of things I have to do daily is.
No one knows how many meetings I have to attend.
No one knows how my phone rings off the hook every single day.
No one knows how many SMSes I have to reply everyday.
No one knows how many people from all departments I have to attend to daily.
No one knows how many requests I have to answer daily.
No one knows how many offs I’ve accumulated but have no time to clear them.
No one knows how close I am to each and every manager in camp.
No one knows how I feel when people assume things like nobody’s business.
No one knows how it feels like to decide if we should be on the NSFs’ side or management’s.
No one knows how difficult it can be to be stuck in the middle of the management.
No one knows how challenging it can be to run a group of 7, especially with people of so many different characters.
No one knows how annoying clients can be.
No one knows how sickening it can be when recruits call up and ask the same questions thrice in less than a week.
No one knows how I sit down and prepare detailed weekly performance schedules for the group.
No one knows how I plan the show schedule and decide who plays for which show.
No one knows how much work there is to do when last-minute changes to the show schedule are made.
No one knows how many off claims I have to fill in for my guys.
No one knows the trauma I have to go through when my senior manager questions me about off claims before signing it.
No one ever wonders why their off claim bowl is always almost full, unlike other groups.
No one knows how it feels to be arrowed work.
No one knows how it feels like to have so much work to do where almost everyone else is simply slacking around.
No one knows how it feels to stay until/past 5.30pm where others leave, well, much earlier.
No one knows how stressful it is to have the managers wanting you to lead a good example in every way possible.
No one knows how it feels to be accused of something you didn’t do.
No one knows why I have to know certain things and how I cover up for my members when the need arises.


Trust me, no one knows anything. No, really.

And the list doesn’t stop there, in case you were wondering.

I am not a manager, but it feels like I’m one.

I know no one appreciates the amount of work I do for everyone, but that’s fine, because hey, I love my job. With each day passing by, the bonds between my managers, fellow colleagues and I get stronger, in both friendships and working relationships. I love my colleagues so much – they make life so interesting and my job so enjoyable to do.

Then again, there are people who will always piss in your half-empty cup, which is what prompted me to write this entry.

Please, we’re all humans, so lets give each other a chance, because I promise I will.

I’ll need some time to settle out my thoughts and I apologize if I have been rude or mean to anyone in the last few days. There’s just too much to handle – and believe it or not, camp stuff is not even half the things that happen in my life. I have a whole bunch of other outside commitments too which need my constant attention.

In any case, I would like to thank all my friends who’ve been there for me and for listening to my rants and raves in camp. You guys know who you are. Thanks to all who’ve been supportive towards everything I do and I sincerely thank you for being so understanding. I love you all.

It’s been 11 days since I last posted.

I’d just like to say that these 11 days have been one of the most eventful yet busy days of my life, both in and out of camp.

Today, 5th June, marks a very significant, sad day for a friend of mine – I’ll tell you more in my next entry.

For now, it’s time to get some sleep.